i think not having to work would fix me
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I’ve done all I can. it’s up to you now. now is your chance to show me that you actually listen and care about what I say that you use it to better yourself so when I’m not around, you don’t lose yourself.
“being born a woman is my awful tragedy. From the moment I was conceived I was doomed to sprout breasts and ovaries rather than penis and scrotum; to have my whole circle of action, thought and feeling rigidly circumscribed by my inescapable feminity. Yes, my consuming desire to mingle with road crews, sailors and soldiers, bar room regulars--to be a part of a scene, anonymous, listening, recording--all is spoiled by the fact that I am a girl, a female always in danger of assault and battery. My consuming interest in men and their lives is often misconstrued as a desire to seduce them, or as an invitation to intimacy. Yet, God, I want to talk to everybody I can as deeply as I can. I want to be able to sleep in an open field, to travel west, to walk freely at night...”
-sylvia plath, the unabridged journals of sylvia plath
before the new year, i am going to clean my house and start a 24 hour fast so i can really start this new year with a fresh start. im going to keep my place clean and smelling good. i will keep up with my craft. i am going to save my money. i am going to start pilates and i will have an amazing 2023. i will be thinner and healthier and happier and so much better off.
me: in my very self-destructive era
ive been smoking cigarettes for so long that it no longer supresses my appetite. i need a new drug.
i wish it wasnt so hard to survive. i watch people on youtube and see how peaceful their lives are and how easy it is for them to enjoy life. i dont know why its so hard for me, but living is just really difficult and too much work.